The Valentine

“One Wonderful Day”
It was a pleasant evening that day. We sat on the shore and watched the waves whisper with the tides. We held hands and talked our heart through. It was now or never. We had come a long way in the highs and lows of our long distance relationship and though we kept pushing each other – at the end of day, we survived. Twilight was dawning on us and the chilly sea breeze made us move closer. Our emotions were flying high. I still don’t know how it actually transpired – we kissed and with that one kiss, the umpteenth number of times we fought washed away with the wave. It was such an emotional surge that I proposed her without any forethought. She stared at me with a disbelieve and then after what seemed like an eternity, she smiled and said yes in the most inaudible way ever. It was a wonderful day.

“One Dreadful Day”
She was leaving. We were at the railway station. It was the final time we would be seeing of each other. I didn’t know it then and I believe neither did she. We hugged for a very long time and could feel shreds of tears on each other – who knew it was only the beginning. It was downright painful. How a petty fight led to that dreadful day where the monsters within us woke up and suddenly we noticed a different version of us. The green signal was lit and the train was about to leave. I didn’t want her to leave. Not just yet. Things could have mended – there was still time but our alter ego had the last laugh. We didn’t even say our goodbyes and just like that, she was gone. No words were spoken.

“Today”
As the sun settles down and the wind gushes in, I feel liberated but sadness engulfs me in. I am truly content in my heart that she is happy with someone who understands her more than I ever could. Yet this undying thought of what we could have been makes me yearn for her every moment. All these years and I always end up in – “Could we would have turned up like a fairy tale story with a happily ever after ending Or lost ourselves while fixing each other with the cruel realities of life dwelt in?” – I guess I would never know. But I do know this – the past is long gone and I should move on. I can’t or may be I don’t want to. I am lost in the oblivion. What thrives me is knowing that someone somewhere is beside her. To support her, to not judge her, to heal her deepest wounds and to love her unconditionally. And that’s how a true valentine should be. She and her beau.

Happy Valentine

The End?

She had left a letter in the pages of a rough diary.
Scribbled with memories and a future of what it could be. 

Words filled with emotions and uncertain mixed feelings.
Of what she desired and how their dreams would be.

To see the world and everything it had to offer.
To ascend the high mountains and dance under its magical trance.
“Everything together and Always Forever” 

-And then one ungrateful day- 

When he finally found the letter, she was long gone already.
Far away from him and never to be be together.

He was lost and cursed himself of why it all happened.
“Did fate had a role to play?”, he often pondered.

With the passage of time, finally he realized,
Shattered pieces couldn’t be mended nor they could be.
And all that’s left was to mourn and leave ‘the letter‘ be. 

The End?

Shadows

Shadows of your past

Lurks beneath the dark corner

 

Where is that mortal

whose smile shined your reflection?

 

Hidden amongst many

To come out of its conjunction

 

Where is it? Look at me!!

 

Did you drown it?

Did you annihilate its soul?

 

No!!!

 

The one true portrait

and your madness finished it all

 

Mirage or hallucination?

This one you couldn’t foreshadow

 

Shush!!! There is no escape

But that, you already know!!!

 

Candle

The flame, I hold
The light, I spread
The wax, I breathe
The burn, I seethe

The journeys, I take
The occasions, I celebrate
The protests, I participate
The moments, I await

The gloom, I see
The hope, I cast
The wish, I fulfill
The blow, I take

The evanescence, I endure
The darkness, I perish
The flame, I revive
The end, I foresee

 

Wish

I wish
you could read
the infinite letters I wrote
my deepest darkest side exposed

I wish
I could apologize
for the abuses I hurled
for the numerous lies I told

I wish
I could mend
the shattered pieces to a whole
lend a shoulder to console

I wish
you could perceive
that I have suffered enough
and I am truly done to dust

I wish
I could tell
how much I missed you
and not yet ready to bid aideu

I wish
you could see
my vain attempt to confession
‘See you on the other side’ of inception

I love you. Always and beyond.

Coherent thoughts

Nested deep in her coherent thoughts
There exists a dilemma – so distraught!

Solution? – there seemed to be none, yet so many
Every possible move futilely ends up in a mutiny

Badgers and bickers the defiled words of wisdom
Vehemently, she chooses exile over her freedom

Submerged in the tentacles of iniquitous and evil
Rises from the under earth – an incarnated devil 

Slays the vicious and treacherous in a bloody bath
The fallen, the risen – all obsolete in her fierce wrath

Behold, the queen of justice – the queen of doom
Coherent thoughts – her only elixir left to exhume.

 

The Uncanny

The perpetual queue. The benevolent stare. The enchanting freckles.
The city of joy. The yellow cab. The savory delights.

The small talks. The bigger dreams. The passion within.
The abrasive departure. The uncanny thoughts. The feeling deprived.

Happy Birthday

Wasn’t our first meeting little similar to the end scene of the movie ‘500 days of summer’ ? – A boy meets a girl. Awaiting their turn for the job interview. They talk for a jiff. Something sparkles between them. Boy gets called in and is rejected. He leaves without bidding adieu. He regrets and comes back hurriedly. Asks her number and the next thing they know, they are celebrating her birthday after three days. 

It’s been exactly 2 years to that day. It was the beginning. The beginning of something surreal. I was so nervous and I know you were too. We were in that water park celebrating your birthday, listening to one another, trying to understand the mysteries of life, of what we desired to achieve and the places we wished to explore. And somewhere between that long conversation, we travelled to a future of unknown and hoped one day, we would fix each other and be our definite in search of the infinite. 

Often I used to hear, love never happens at first sight. But there we were, in the cab ride back home, and you had leaned your head on my shoulder. I was overwhelmed by the immense trust you put on me, whom you had just met a couple of days ago.  As you were next to me, somehow my years of loneliness and sobriety just evaporated into thin air and I felt this gush that I wouldn’t be alone anymore. 

I asked you if meeting one another was just a coincidence or was it meant to happen?. The affectionate way in which you held my hand, looked at me with that concern in your eyes and spoke, was indescribable. I just couldn’t write in words the loving warmth which I felt. What transpired between us was very special, so special that I was remorseful and selfish at the very thought of why you were taking that job, why you had to be thousand miles away from me. We had just met. It was only the beginning. There were infinite stories to be told and long walks to be strolled.

We tried. We failed. And all that’s left are the beautiful memories. But, maybe, that’s the truth of life – Sometimes, we meet a person for a short period and we ought to make the best of it – Sometimes, we build a million memories and survive to live in it – Sometimes, we have to let go of the person whom we love so dearly – Sometimes, somethings are never meant to be no matter how much we feel it was meant to be.

Thank you for being born. Thank you for being the person you are. Thank you for all those unforgettable memories – one of which is being the muse for this story today.

 Happy Birthday!!!

The Phoenix and Dove

From the valleys and beyond
A precious story to be told

Of despair and hope
Of an angst and love 

Two wandering souls once meet
Neither to stay Nor to part

They pursue for the infinite
To be fixed in other’s definite

Disappointed, fallen and lost
They end up in each other’s throat 

Days turns into months and ages
Memoirs turns hazy in cages

One to rise from the ashes
and the other to mourn the beloveds 

From the valleys and beyond
The phoenix and a mourning dove.

Madhu

Dear Madhu,

      I love you. I started loving you, ever since the moment your mother told me you were growing in her womb. The immense joy which I felt then was only superseded by seeing ‘the tiny-you’ for the first time, in an ultrasound monitor. Your mother firmly gripped my hand and looked at me. Her eyes were filled with tears and so was mine. We had been longing for you for so long and finally! there you were. Our symbol of love. Our ray of hope.

It was raining heavily that day. Your mother was in labour – screaming at the top of her lungs while I waited outside – scared. I was scared thinking – what if I could not be a good father to you and keep you away from harm or what if you would turn up to be a spoiled kid and hate me when u become a teenager. After years of trying to conceive and months of hardship and hours in labour, you were born and just like a miracle, I became a father. You were here. You were here!

With each passing day, our hope of surviving each other became more and more stronger. You were so little then. Your eyes were beautiful. You were beautiful. We would just look at you for hours and not get enough of you. We would play rock, paper & scissors to clean your potty and sing lullabies to you. You were growing up so fast and so were we – growing with you, becoming a child, being truly happy. We, at times, couldn’t believe we made you. You were the greatest gift to us. And as we rekindled our dying relationship, we found our love again. All because of you. For you. 

Madhu, I want to tell you why I am truly writing this letter to you. For years, this has been painful to me and it will always be painful. I never thought I would come to say these but here it is – My princess, I am sorry. I am sorry that none of these is real. I am sorry you aren’t real. I am sorry that you were never born and for years, you have been only a figment of my imagination.

The harsh reality is – I couldn’t be a good person to the woman I loved, the woman whom I wished to marry. I became a monster. I don’t remember when I turned into one but I did. I could give her only haunting memories and emotional breakdowns instead of happiness and comfort. I didn’t support her and instead of shedding her tears, I gave her more tears. No matter how emotionally hurt she was, she tried to save me, tried to save us but I wrecked it all and pushed her afar and thus afar she went.

Madhu, I named you after her because you were the greatest symbol of her love to me – our love for each other. How I wish, every dying day, the reality would somehow transform into my imagination. We would be real then. You would be real. 

As I finish writing this letter, I see where I stand now. Emptiness has gulped me in and I am left with nothing but this undying guilt of why couldn’t I apologise to her and tell her how much I truly loved her, how much she meant to me and if given another opportunity, I would never push her away and let her go. 

I am sorry Madhu. I love you. I always will.

Rahul

and then………………………………………………